The Moisture of Us '07

We went to the beach this past Saturday. The day had been planned for weeks. Unfortunately, the weather wasn't the best. We still had a great time. Josiah spent most of his time in a hole. He was covered head to toe in sand. We had a bonfire, roasted hot dogs and marshmallows. Kathi brought some scrumptious cakes to celebrate Brian's and Anthony's birthdays. Some dived into the ocean, but those of us who are sane hung by the fire, under a canopy, just enjoying each other's company. The wind decided to pick up later and Josiah climbed out of his hole and got cold. So after five hours (about 6:30) we headed out, found a place to stay for the night and all got hot showers. The next morning we checked out, had a late breakfast at pig n' pancake, and Josiah took his first ride on a carousel. I think my camera may forever hold remnants of the weekend, a smoky smell and sand in my favorite lens.







Kathi, Ava, and Ashby



Alex in the hole before it is yet huge.







Sarah H







Josiah before entering the hole.



Luke has been splitting wood.



Sarah and Chris go head to head in a game of teatherball.



Ava and her mommy, Laura



Brian and the kids in the fridged waters.



Humm, this looks like fun.



In the hole, out of the wind, is a solid three hours worth of fun.



Wes digs an entry way.



Water in the hole just makes it even more fun!



Ava and her daddy, Chris



By the fire







The fire is a bit on the smallish side yet.



Hunkering low, next to the fire, to excape the wind and cold.
Luke runs after the big, orange, tennis ball.
After eating at the pig 'n pancake, Josiah decides to ride the pig on the carousel. All buckled in and ready to go.
Daddy, you're riding the rabbit. It has long ears.
Around they go. Up and down. Slow at first, then faster and faster.
Hey, I can see myself in the mirror.
Stopping for the shot after the ride. Time to head home.

an answer to Stephen's 7 month old question

My brother and his wife live in Anchorage. When they were down at Christmas they visited Ethnos. There they ment some of the Ketah family. Stephen, who at one time worked with some of the native tribes in AK, asked me what tribe the Ketah's were a part of. I didn't know. Now he can find the answer on the family's new blog.

http://ketahadventures.blogspot.com/2007/07/here-is-view-of-harbor-where-my-family.html

28 weeks

Went in for an appointment this morning. It was a long one. Did the blood glucose screen. We went to the park between the appointment and the blood draw. Then we went back to the park. Then we went back to the Dr's office to schedule my next appointment. We stopped at BP & Ellie's (next door to my Dr) for cheese sandwiches, salad, and PB playdoh. Then we topped it off with a trip to Freddy's. It's rest time now.

At the park Josiah and I made some new friends, recently relocated from Missouri. Then at PB&E I saw a gal who I knew in college. Her sister lives not far from us. Small world.

My room is scary

Josiah is always giving us interesting reasons why he can't sleep or why rest time should be over. Today, half an hour into rest time, he thought it should be over.

Josiah: But Mommy, I can't sleep.
Mommy: You still need to rest.
Josiah: But Mommy, my room is scary.
Mommy: Why is your room scary?
Josiah: It just is, it's scary.

So I had Josiah go back to his room and get back into bed. I went in and we began to go over the reasons why his room is scary. He is a list of reasons Josiah found his room to be scary.

~There is a pinky sized hole in his safety rail.
~He didn't have both his soft books stacked on top of one another. (He had hidden one under the sheets at the end of his bed.)
~One of his paintings wasn't hanging up. (It's not done so I've been working on it.)
~His closet was open. (That one was actually quite reasonable.)

A sick friend

In case you haven't heard...

Todd Bowder is sick with Malaria. Please pray for our friend/my cousin's nephew. Todd attended Ethnos and our community group until he shipped off to school. He is in Africa on a missions trip. He has had a flu bug and now is dealing with this. Please pray for his healing and that God can continue to use him to do His work in Africa.

time to replace the fire extinquisher

I just wanted a snack. Instead, I started a fire. Now I have a mess to clean up. There is extinquisher dust everywhere. It's probably not the best thing for baby and I to breathe either.

an excerpt from a mom's brag book

Josiah continues to amaze me. How old is he? This morning I was working on my new bookshelves. They came in a box, in pieces. I am working on sanding each piece. Josiah starts in on what seems to be one of his new favorite games. He asks the question, "What does ____ start with?" For example:

"Mommy, what does dog start with?"

I, in turn, pronounce the word slowly and clearly. Then ask him, "What do you think the word dog starts with?"

"Um, D, maybe."

Today I decided that we would expand the game a bit. I began to ask him about the rest of the word. So I'm sanding and together Josiah and I are spelling whole, simple words. So he's learning and he's having fun doing so. He was completely amused by the fact that he was figuring out every letter of the words and spelling whole words. How old is this kid anyway? 3? Sometimes, I'm not so sure.

tangible answers to prayers

Yesterday (Friday) I got up early. I awoke at six and found myself unable to sleep, knowing that I should get moving and get myself to the Visible Grace garage sale. So I dragged myself out of bed at about 6:30.

I decided that I would get a shower first thing, a rare occurance before rest time in our house. While chatting with God, I began to think about the garage sale. Perhaps, I thought, I might run into someone who I haven't seen in a while and get an opportunity to reconnect. Maybe I'd even get a chance to talk with someone or two about Visible Grace. I simply asked God to give me these opportunities and to allow me to be open to them.

I then spent the morning preparing lunch for myself and our friends. I ate breakfast and sat down to read the Bible (also a rare occurance before rest time). Josiah got up around eight, ate breakfast, poked around, and finally got dressed. We headed out for the sale shortly after nine.

At about 10:30 or 11, Josiah asked if we could play with the playdoh. I had packed up my "Sunday school playdoh kit" for the kids to play with at the sale. So Josiah and I headed off through the parking lot. A white car was just parking and just as we were passing it, the driver said, "Hey Angie." It was Stacey, a gal who I had ment through teaching at MOPS this past year. She was Josiah's teacher and I had her son, Cooper, in my class.

Here it was, God's tangible answers to my prayers. Stacey and I had ment to get the boys together this Summer to play and give us a chance to better know one another. She's someone I've been wanting to connect with, but I just haven't taken the time to do it. I guess God seems to see that it does need to happen. We start chit chatting about this and that, how life is going. She'd taken her older daughters to BCC's Bible Camp and saw the sale and decided to stop. Turns out that she's been accepted into a Master's program at George Fox, exciting news for this recently single mother of three. The conversation turns to the g-sale, anything good over there type things. I start explaining that I'm actually there helping and I have this friend Ashby who... Now not only has God handed me an opportunity to reconnect, he has also given me an opportunity to share about VG. Oh, but there is so much more to it than I could have imagined. You see, Stacey has a dream. A dream that before yesterday, she had never shared with any adult, just her children. Stacey will be working on her master's in education at Fox. Her dream, to start a school and teach in Kenya. NO KIDDIN'!!!!

God is amazing. He uses a simple child's request for playdoh in amazing ways. If he hadn't asked, I might have totally missed my opportunity to reconnect with someone who could become a friend. I might have missed an opportunity to share about VG. I might have missed an opportunity to connect one person with a dream with another person with a dream. It really does emphazise the fact that we just need to tell people. We need to tell them about God. We need to share what he is doing through VG. You never know where a person might be at and what step they might be ready to take. In the future, Stacey could be teaching at Grace Academy!

Wes also pointed out something else, on our way out for a short date. Not only did God use me to connect two people who have dreams. He also is using VG to fullfill a dream and purpose in my own life. http://angiesphotoblog.blogspot.com/2006/06/how-last-week-came-to-be.html
Three dreams, plus one God, equals thousands of lives being changed. It gives you goose bumps, chills, and brings tears to the eyes.

over did?

I guess I over did it today. My ankles are swollen, way swollen. Too much time at the garage sale this weekend and not enough sleep.

Pregnancy insomnia

I seem to recall having some pregnancy insomnia while prego with Josiah. I also recall some of that being caused by our neighbor's parties. Here I sit tonight, exhausted, and unable to sleep for the past 1.5 hours. I did go right to sleep tonight, but I woke up at 2. So I guess I will have my first "midnight" snack of this pregnancy and spend some time blogging.

changing the sheets

Now one might not think that changing the sheets on a bed is a very difficult task, but I'm going to tell you it is. Josiah is now sleeping in a twin bed. He sleeps upon a bed frame that was once built for myself. It is a tall "captains" bed with boat loads of storage space. So we stick a couple of mattresses upon it and it comes up to my belly button. Now this bed was made to be viewed on two sides. This means that the other two sides are ugly and thus the bed is pushed up against the wall and into a corner. Which means there is no walking around the bed. So I just finished putting clean sheets onto the bed. It only took about 20 minutes and I didn't do a very good job. nothing is tucked in on the far side. I can barely reach the far side, let alone under the top mattress. Why do I even right about this? Because every time it gets harder and harder to change those sheets. My belly just gets bigger and bigger. It gets more difficult for me to climb up onto the bed as well. I didn't even try today. And the baby grumbles about it too when I'm trying to reach the other side.

Paul wants a new toy

Yesterday I had a conversation with Paul. Seems he wants a new toy, a D40. For those of you who don't know, that would be a digital SLR camera by Nikon. I asked him where he was going to get $1000 to buy this new toy. He didn't have an answer.

This morning I came up with a way for Paul to save for his new camera. He just has to give up his daily "fix" for a while. I figure he could easily tuck away $5 a day. That's just 200 short days. It's not that long. I've been prego for almost that long already.

How bad does Paul really want a new camera?

Ways Josiah has made me smile this morning

It has only been an hour since we all got up. But already Josiah is putting a smile on my face. Here are three things that have made me smile this morning

"I had to go poop. My cheese turned into poop. Now my tummy is empty." Actually, it made me LOL. A few weeks ago, for some very logical reason, I explained to Josiah that poop was made of food that your body has taken all the good stuff out of. It must have been one of the potty training necessities.

"Mommy, the tractor trailer needs help. It's going to need another truck to help it. I'm going to need some tape." Ah, tape. It happens to be one of Josiah's favorite toys right now. He does all kinds of things with it. After using it to help rescue the tractor trailer, I saw zoo keeper Zach using it to haul pieces of fence.

"Mommy, are we going to go to the garage sale to play today?" I hadn't realized that, that is why Visible Grace has a garage sale. But I guess that's why Josiah goes.

The song in my head

I have had this song playing in my head all day.

Oh what i would do to have
the kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat i'm in
onto the crashing waves.
to step out of my comfort zone
into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
and he's holding out his hand.
but the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
reminding me of all the times i've tried before and failed.
the waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"boy you never win, you never win"

But the voice of truth
tells me a different story.
the voice of truth says
"Do not be afraid".
and the voice of truth says
"This is for my glory".
out of all the voices calling out to me
i will choose to listen and believe
the voice of truth.

oh what i would do to have
the kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone.
surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
wishing they'd have had the strength to stand.
but the giants calling out my name and he laughs at me
reminding me of all times i've tried before and failed.
the giant keeps on telling me time and time again
"Boy, you never win, you never win"

But the voice of truth
tells me a different story.
the voice of truth
says "Do not be afraid".
and the voice of truth
says "This is for my glory".
out of all the voices calling out to me
i will choose to listen and believe
the voice of truth.

What voice will you choose to listen to today?

I wonder

What are you thinking about, my friend?

More february 3-k ekids

These pictures are from Valentine's. We made two different valentine crafts. One was a hand print in a heart made from red and white model magic dough. The other was a heart that we decorated with all kinds of different things. For snack we frosted and sprinkled large heart cookies. It was a messy, crafty day.

my brother and his wife are too cute

Stephen and Amy Bethune
Dec 26, 2006







I was also just noticing how small Stephen's head is. He really does have a little head.

teaching - february

I thought I'd start with some ekids pics. These are from early February. It's a week when several families seemed to be out of town. I took pictures of the kids on the playground. Then later we acted out the story of Joseph and his coat of many colors.

Joseph's father gives Joseph a very beautiful coat.

Joseph's brothers are jealous and beat him up. (I'm afriad it appears that Joseph is rather enjoying it.)

His brother sell him to the egyptian trader. Can you see all the $ the trader is willing to pay for him?

The trader takes Joseph away.

Joseph ends up as a slave in Potiphar's palace. Here he is scrubbing the floors.

Potiphar's wife likes Joseph and puts the moves on. (Joseph seems flattered.)

Joseph rejects her. She gets mad and makes up a story to tell her husband.

Joseph is in prision. Still joyous, even in prision.

Joseph is released from prision to explain the dreams that Pharaoh has had.

Potiphar begs Joseph for forgiveness. No it's not! Andrew was playing a duel role. It's actually one of Joseph's brothers begging for forgiveness.

photo neglect

So much for "angiesphotoblog." Sorry all. It's been tough to sit down over the past several months. First, there was the morning sickness. Then, there was the broken tailbone, part 2. Next, came life in general and not so general. I will try to remedy the situation.

On another note. I feel gruddy today. We went to bed last night and started talking about this and that. Soon we found that three hours had pasted and it was after one. Finally went to sleep. Woke back up when Wes crawled back into bed at three. Then, awoke again before five to discover that Wes was up again. I got some light napping in during Sesame Street, Bob, and Jakers. Brains need an on/off switch.

mysterious blueberries

Someone left blueberries on our porch. No note or anything.

new blog

Today I am starting a second blog. A deeper, more personal blog. It's about the journey I've been on. I am not ready to share with all. Thus few will be invited in. Please feel free to request permission to enter, but do not be offended if it is not granted.

http://www.angiesdeeperblog.blogspot.com/

I am all tuckered out

It was a long, fun day. We arrived at a park today shortly before one and left after 8. We had lunch with friends. I laughed more than I've laughed in a while. Our friends come up with the silliest names for our baby. We sat and talked and played for hours. Then we took the short walk to the baseball diamond and cheered on the Ethnos softball team. It was a good day.

25 weeks, 3 days

Saw my Dr. today. Wes even got to come to the highly uneventful appointment. I'm measuring right and the baby's heart beat is strong. She's a sqirmer. Everytime the Dr was about done counting the heartrate, she would move so that you couldn't hear it anymore.

I made the realization today that I'm very much approaching the 3rd trimester. Wowsers! I don't know if I'm ready for the 3rd trimester. It doesn't seem like I've been pregnant long enough. I have so much to do still!

My next appointment is at 28 weeks. I can't believe it's time to have appointments every two weeks now. I get to drink the yummy syrup next time. Yum, yum. :O)

A month gone by

A month has gone by. Where has it left us? Mostly, I just miss having all our friends around. Thursday evenings just aren't the same. Josiah asks every Thursday who is coming for community group. "Are my friends coming or are our friends coming?" When I tell him that "our friends are coming," he gets gets upset. "But I want my friends to come." It's been hard on him. That makes me sad.

no room left...

There is no room left in the baby's room for clothing. The dresser is packed full. The closet is stuffed. There is nothing she needs for the first 6 months of her life. There are enough sleepers/nightgowns that she can wear a different one every day for the first month of her small life. Those are just the smallest sleepers, she may outgrow that size before she wears them all. I don't think I'll ever have to do laundry for her. Seriously, if anyone buys me anything, I think I will just have to give it away. There are clothes on top of her dresser too. All this, thanks to Abigail and Ava. Their parents rock!

today

This morning Josiah and I did some more painting. I am done with orange now. Josiah now has three completed master pieces.

I'm exhausted. I think I'm done watching other people's kids for a couple of days. I'm enjoying the quiet of just one child.

I think I will take a nap today. I was about to yesterday when the phone rang. I hope Josiah will too.

Josiah wants to go to grandma's house today. He will have to wait till Friday.

painting amoung other things

I have been working on several painting projects. I'm three canvases away from finishing the baby's room which will have a total of 15 canvases on the wall. I need to finish up the three paintings I did for Josiah's room. I'm painting the outside of some little metal pots. I'm also working on finishing an undisclosed project.

This morning as an added treat, I got a painting partner. Josiah completed two masterpieces of his own. He asked if he could help with the one I was working on and I told him no. So he then made the decloration, "I know. Maybe I could paint my own picture." I think I'm going to frame one of them and hang it up somewhere. Maybe in his room but maybe somewhere else.

One of the ways that I'm marking the completion of these projects is the removal of paint from my house. I am now officially done with 2 out of the 8 main colors. So the purple and green paint have been banished to the garage until further notice. Orange will be following shortly.

I also have several other projects in the works that need completion before the baby arrives. I have some mosaics to finish up. I have 3 incomplete quilts to work on. Some other sewing to finish. I haven't scraped any photos since Josiah was about a year old. So I've got to catch up on his albums. Of course I also need to sit down and work on Grace Academy some more. And I'd like to be able to post more than one photo on that photo site which I can't remember the name of right now. So lots to do and just 16-18 weeks left to do it in.

last night made me sad...

Last night as we headed in for the weekly gathering I saw people running around in cowboy hats. I told Stephanie she had a nice hat on. She told me that she had to wear it because the decor inside was "over the top."

My first reaction to the decor was a bit of jealousy. If only I had had a handful of people every year to help put the decor together... Later, it made me sad. Sad to realize that this year I was not putting together a VBS.

For those to you who don't know, I've directed VBS for 6 years. It's a crazy thing. I have a love/hate relationship with it. It's a ton of work (especially at a church with few able boddied people). I always played many roles. As the director/sing & play leader/finally leader/craft leader/photographer I just was always stretched too thin. I also did about 75% of the church decorating before hand. So in one way it is a relief to have a summer off. On the other, I know I need to do it again. No, I don't need to have 5 jobs again, but I need to tell the kids about Jesus.

So last night I sat in a pew and wondered. Wondered if I was neglecting what I was supposed to be doing. Wondered why I wasn't using the gifts and talents that God has graciously given to me. Wondered why I wouldn't be get up in front of 3 dozen children and making a fool of myself while telling them how much God loves us all. And those were just the things I was thinking before Dave opened his mouth...

Happy Father's Day

Dinner is in the oven now. In case you wondered, a Fred Meyer rotisery chicken contians just over one pound of meat. I hate boning chicken. The things I do for the man my son calls Daddy... Happy Father's Day to all the Daddy's out there.

7hj ~Josiah

question

What do you do with/for a three year old who is awake in the middle of the night and screaming and crying at the top of his lungs? Yes, we were up most of the night with Josiah. I'm exhausted. His complaints were, "I CAN'T SLEEP!" and "I WANT TO SLEEP IN A DIFFERENT BED!" I think I finally got a few hours of sleep after 4.

James recalled

I just heard on the news that various Thomas trains have been recalled. Great, my son's favorite toys my contain lead paint. James is Josiah's favorite engine, he is one of the items. Hopefully, they will be replacing all these trains for free. Thomas engines are not exactly cheap.

baby blankie

A few weeks ago I pulled out six little fleece baby blankets. I cut them up. I just finished sewing them all back together into one blanket. It's kind of cute. Now it is in the wash. I wonder if it will stay together. We shall see...

My friend and such

Yesterday I saw a friend. I've needed to see her. I've missed her. It was good to be able to give her a hug and just hang out for a while. Three of us sorted underware and pj's at NCO yesterday afternoon. And we talked. We let her do a lot of the talking. She seems to be on the right path. That does my soul good to know. It also gave Josiah a chance to play with his friends. He has missed his friends and that has hurt my heart. It was a good afternoon, even if Josiah and I both missed another nap.

This weekend gave life some distraction and normalcy. With Josiah's catastrophy (which still has my hallway a mess), my grandparents' 60th party, and Wes doing sound Sunday, there just wasn't time to be down. I think that was good. My emotions are worn out. I continue to pray for my friends, but the drowning in tears with them just has to stop. So I will continue to be there for those in need, continue to lend an ear, continue to shed a tear or two, continue to just be a friend. What I've realized is that I just need to stop taking everyone else's grief upon myself and letting the emotion get the better of me. It's hard enough being pregnant without taking on everyone's pain.

We'll Josiah has decided that he needs to watch Cars this morning. So I'd best go be productive with my 2 hours of free time.

Josiah's tragedy

Josiah was playing in his room Saturday morning. Suddenly he started to scream. I thought he was hurt he was crying so hard. I raced up the stairs and found him safely sitting on his bed. In one hand was his snow globe, in the other a large piece of glass. Okay, not so safe. Turns out he had bumpped his dresser just right so that his globe fell and shattered on the corner of his bed. So we spent the morning tearing his bed apart and making sure every bit of glass was removed. We had to move the mattresses to the living room so they could dry. He has a captains bed with lots of storage underneath so we had to remove the items from storage, dry them, and remove more glass. We also had to prop his bed up so that it could dry underneath. His floor is still drying.

So some good came of this. It gave me a chance to go through everything under his bed. We're throwing some of it out, garage selling some of it, and just leaving some of it out. The things that didn't go back under are my dolls and their clothes (which are in the wash as I type), my little ponies, and my strawberry shortcake dolls. Now in the front more accessable compartment are clothes for Josiah when he's a bit taller, and some visiblegrace blankets. The other good thing that came out of this incident is that Josiah has gotten to sleep in his sleeping bag in his "tent" for a couple of nights. I think he's really enjoyed that. We may have trouble convincing him that he needs to sleep in his bed tonight.

What's going on now?

I don't feel quite right today. Maybe I'm coming down with something. Maybe it's just a normal pregnancy thing. Maybe it's just the emotional and physical tiredness of this past week. But my head just feels spacey and I feel overly tired.

I call dibs

Not because I've always wanted a gun. More because I was his favorite great grandchild. And he was an awsome great grandfather. I'm patient though. I can wait till dad kicks the bucket. :O)

breathing again and pregnancy brain

In case you wondered, I am breathing again. I'm doing better this evening. I don't think I've ever experienced this type of complete mood swings, ever.

This morning I had some scriptures that came to mind. They were relavent and comforting. I couldn't quote them exactly and wasn't sure where they were found. I thought I'd look them up in my concordance. But I had to get to the Dr. Now I have no clue what they were. The baby is stealing my brain cells. I'm not sure how many more I can afford to loose.

Gasping for air

I don't feel like I can breathe today. Everything that is happening, has me thinking about everything else that has ever happened. I was dealing with life crap and now I have more life crap. I don't know how much more I can take.

a rough day

Yesterday I had the opportunity to feel whatever I needed to feel. I was able to feel and proccess more than any other day thus far. I cried a lot. Last night was community group. I was fixing a salad when people began coming through the doors. The first person brought tears to my eyes and I just felt like crying all night long. It saddened me to learn just how angry and hurt everyone really is. It saddened me to realize how this is going to effect Josiah. That hurt my heart. Ashby gave me a book that made me smile and cry. Of course having other life issues to deal with and being on the emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy just sends my life in a whirl.

My grandparents' 60th wedding aniversary party is Saturday. I don't want to go. I don't want to wear the skirt that really, really doesn't fit anymore. I don't want to deal with the bra/shirt issue. I don't want to see my extended family right now. I don't want to talk to a million old people that I don't know. I don't want to put on a fake smile. I'm not sure I have a fake smile to offer.

This whole thing just sucks. WHY!? WHY DID YOU DO THIS!? WHY!?

21 weeks, 3 days...

I just got home from seeing my Dr. Things look good. We went over ultrasound results. Currently they don't feel there is any reason to send me in for another ultrasound. So I may not get to see our baby again for another 2o weeks. It wouldn't be a good thing if they decided that I did need to see her again before then. There doesn't seem to be a reason for the pain I sometimes have. It's probably just ligament pain. She measured me for the first time, 19.5 cm. I've lost some weight. I'm not crying over it. The Dr isn't overly concerned, it's just 1.5lbs and I seem to have lots of reasons as to why I may have lost a pound over the last five weeks. Or maybe it was just over the past week.

Bedtime prayers

Last night Wes and I were praying before trying to nod off to sleep. At the end Wes prayed something profound.

"God, I am sad. Please get me new glasses, so I can see you."

Thanks Ashby

My friend rocks. She bought me a book. It's amazing. It's called My Friend is Sad. It made me cry. I think I shall read it every day for the rest of my life. Thank you, Ashby. I love you.

I love him

Wes is staying home today. It is a relief to know that I can feel whatever I need to, whenever I need to, for a whole day. I have things I need to do this morning. But I am going to paint today. If you're free, feel free to stop by for some art therapy.

i wish...

I wish I had time. Time to grieve with friends. Time to cry with friends. Tonight is community group. The young women in our community group are hurting deeply. There will be many tears. Lord, heal our broken hearts.

The air is heavy.
Sadness falls like rain.
A salty rain,
Runs down my face.

Like a child,
I run to my Father.
And I ask, Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?

And in His embrace,
The rain,
Continues,
To fall.

My heart is calm. There is still sadness. There may still be tears yet to come. But the anger is less. The hurt is less. My heart is calm.

Today is hard. I am overcome with emotions. I have many hurting friends and it makes me so sad. I need a chance to bawl. But I am a mom. Josiah needs me to play with him today. Quality time, it's Josiah's love language. He needs to feel loved today. Today is hard.

We're just a bunch of screw ups

Fortunately, we can't do anything to screw up the meaning behind the cross. Thank you, Christ.

Please pray

Dear family,

Please pray for Ethnos Church.

For the past year, our church community has been under attack. Satan has been on a rampage. He has been doing his best to rip our community apart. He attacks at a basic level trying to distroy our families. His latest strike is a major blow. It rips at the heart of everyone at Ethnos. It angers me. It scares me. It hurts me. It leaves my heart hollow tonight.

So pray for us. Pray for our community. Pray for unity within our community. Pray for strength in our homes. Pray that Satan's plans will be struck down. Pray for protection over us. Pray for Wes and I as we host a torn community group in our home. Pray that what Satan is trying to use to rip our church apart will only make us stronger and help us to more fully lean on Christ.

Thanks. I love you all,

Angie

a better day

Today is going to be a better day. It's going to be less hormonally driven. Josiah and I are going to run a couple of errands. Then my quarterly creative memories order should be arriving early this afternoon. It's always fun to sort through the boxes when they arrive. I deal out each person's part of the order, and write them up a reciept. Then I'll send off an email to let them know their stuff is here. They'll be excited because it wasn't supposed to be here till the 6th. I got a few goodies too, a pink album, a baby girl album kit, the new girlie stickers... Then Dave can have his part of the order, more packing boxes! Today just feels better.

So I'm 20 weeks, which means that this baby has been growing for the last 18 weeks (you're not really pregnant the first 2 weeks). Which means she isn't very big at all, about 10 inches long and about 10 ounces in weight. But just like I felt her move way earlier than they say you can, Wes can now feel her kick. Last night we were laying in bed talking and she just started kicking up a storm. She's got power behind those kicks. I think we're going to have a wild one on our hands. She is something else. She is a special little girl. I think she's going to be amazing!

ventings

I am frustrated. I am frustrated that when you ask people a question they give you half of the info you need. I am frustrated that people don't respond to messages. I am frustrated because in this situation I feel out of the loop. Because in this situation we should really be at the center of the loop, having all the needed info. No one is telling us anything! I think this frustration is making me a bad mother today. I have been short with Josiah. I am also a pregnant, hormonal, emotional wreck. Which leaves me easily frustrated amoung other things.

Things to love about last weekend

Leaving Josiah with Grandma and Grandpa
Not being a parent for the weekend
Driving to the coast without a child in the back seat
Adult conversation
Running into old friends
Finding some clothes/bras that may work
Finding a cute, but not frilly, Easter dress for the baby
A room on the ocean with a balcony and fireplace
Playing board games
Falling asleep to the sound of the waves
Sleeping in late
Making breakfast together
Exploring tidepools
Going for a walk on the beach
Kisssing on the beach
Buying salt water taffy
Naps
Dressing up to go to dinner
Dinner on the 10th floor
Beautiful sunset
Falling asleep during a movie
Sleeping in late, again
Semi-sparkling pinot noir juice
Noon check out time
Drives along the coast
Stops for photo ops
Chowder at the original Mo's
Not having to pick up Josiah by 5
Being greeted by a smiling little face
Josiah at the airport for the first time
Seeing Stephen on his layover
Having dinner with the family at the airport
Josiah falling asleep 5 minutes from home
Wondering what the next eight years hold

Good news for our little girl

Finally, ultrasound results. I almost cried when I read the following:

"The left ovarian cyst and the subchorionic hemorrhage identified on the early gestational age ultrasound have apparently resolved."

I'm not sure I like the word apparently, but I suppose they can't be 100% certain, just "apparently" certain. Also in the news:

"There is no placenta previa.
Amniotic fluid volume appears normal.
Uterus and adnexa: No abnormalities seen
There is fetal heart motion and gross fetal movement.
Fetal heart rate measured 147 bpm."

So the only reason I'll probably have another ultrasound would be because they couldn't look at everything:

"Normal fetal anatomic survey, except for non-visualized LVOT and fetal nose-lips, due to breech and transverse presentations during exam."

I think it should actually say that non-visual of for nose-lips was due to hands and feet all in front of the baby's face. At one point she looked like she was scratching her head with her foot. I think the LVOT is a part of the heart so they'll want to do another ultrasound to check it's condition.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for our little girl.

showering baby # 2

In mommy circles, the debate over showering a second baby can be a really hot topic. Obviously, one I've been thinking about again recently. I've always been in the mindset of a party for every child, all life should be celebrated. I still think that, but what I've been thinking about are the gifts. Especially, gifts for our second.

What do we need? Nothing really. I have a lot of nutral gender baby items. Abigail just gave the baby a ton of her baby stuff, and I know that Ava is also sending some stuff our way. So I'm not in the need of clothes, I even have some pink blankets, Josiah's basics are still in working order (toys, crib, carseat, books, stroller, etc).

What then does this child need? Just love. Love comes in those special items. Josiah has lots of them. He has about a half dozen baby blankets and quilts that people made just for him. He has a liberty silver dollar that one of his West Hills great grandmothers got for him. He also has the cutest little pair of baby booties and matching hat that his Grandpa Bethune knit for him. (Daddy, are you going to make a little pink set for my baby girl?) He has people who show him love everyday. So if your needs are ment, what do you do about the gifts that people are going to want to buy? Meet the most basic needs of others.

I was thinking that maybe we would ask people to buy diapers for children in need. I think it would be really fun to see how many baby bottoms we could diaper if people bought diapers instead of cute little girlie outfits (which I already have many of). Wouldn't it be fun to load up a couple of cars with diapers and drop them off at NCO? Wouldn't it be a great lesson in giving and sharing with others for both our little girl (at a future date) and Josiah? Perhaps even for others around us who do not often think in terms of giving to others, even in our aboundance. God has blessed us. We are not in need, but there are so many who are.

It's a...

GIRL!!!

Josiah is a bit bummed, but I think he'll get over it (20 years from now?).

The baby has a name?

Josiah named the baby last night. Its name, according to Josiah, is Courious George. I think mommy and daddy will be picking out something a bit different. And no, we're not telling you what it is. We discuss names not at all. We make final decisions after the birth. Josiah recieved his name on day 3.

17 week update

Well, we don't really know anything new. Things are going right by all outward appearances. The top of my uterus has grown to just below the belly button, right where the dr would expect it to be. We listened to the baby's heart beat again. The Dr estimated it at 130. I think that extimate is a bit low. The baby's heart rate seemed to be about twice+ what mine was (we could hear them both) and I don't think I was 65 having just walked under the hot cloudless sky for 20 minutes, uphill most of the way, while pushing Josiah in a stroller. So that's all I really know. We scheduled an ultrasound for the morning of the 18th. Depending on the tech we may or may not know what's going on until I can talk to the Dr the following monday or tuesday. It will probably depend on how right or how wrong everything is going and how open the tech is to answering questions they're not supposed to answer.

So the funest part of the visit...

When the Dr went pushing around on my uterus with the microphone, the baby began to push back. Obviously the Dr couldn't feel it yet, but I could feel the baby's reacting to the invasion of its space. It was very much an opposite force pushing directly back on the mic. Makes me wonder if the baby could only feel the device or if it could also sense some form of freguency waves coming off the thing and pulsing through it amnio fluid.

dead car

Our car is dead at the moment. The battery is shot. We tried to leave for church Sunday and couldn't get the car started. Fortunately, we were able to find a neighbor to give us a jump. We had to have friends give us another jump after church. It's good we were able to make it since we were teaching the 3-k class.

Wes pulled a battery charger out of a box to charge it before we left Sunday (needed plugged in for 12 hours). This morning he tried to use it to jump the car in order to take it to Swabs for a new battery. It didn't work. The thing doesn't have enough power to jump our car even though that is what it was suppose to be for. That's why it has built in jumper cables. Oh well.

We have no milk. We have no car. I'm going to have to take the bus to my appointment today. Or walk, we'll see what I feel up to.

We have 6 bird nests under our deck, all in a row. I think 3 of them are actually in use. It's an interesting site. I can watch the occupants from the computer. I keep thinking that I have to get a picture...

I am still dealing with some form of a stomach bug (started Friday). It effects me most before noon. Then I just get cramps every time I eat for the rest of the day. At least I'm not throwing up too...

I have pictures to post and I will get to it. I promise. It's just been kind of a sucky month having a broken tail bone and three different illnesses now. But I have pictures that I wanted to post from teching in February, Easter, and Josiah sleeping in his new big bed. I'm sure there are some other things too. So soon...

Did you see Gray's Anatomy last night?

A part of me wishes I hadn't. I bawled. It was scary. The chick that gave birth, that's me. That's basically my placenta issue. Hopefully mine has healed over the past 9 weeks, it can do that while the placenta is still growing in the first trimester. But if it hasn't, her issues are very much my issues. I could give birth pre term. I could hemerage. The baby could die. I could die. It's scary to think about it. I try not to. I try to believe that the placenta has healed. I try to remember that it's all in God's hands. I have an appointment next Tuesday. I'll be scheduling my ultrasound then. It will probably be on the 18th or the 25th. It seems like a lifetime from now.

I need a break...

...from pain and illness. I would love nothing more than to wake up one morning and feel great. I have pretty much been sick or in pain since early last summer. I'm tired of it!!! Due to sprained ankles, broken tailbones, illness, and all day morning sickness, I basically haven't been able to exercise regularly for a whole year now. It's got to stop. I need a break from life, just for a couple days...

Currently dealing with:
a) A sore broken butt which I can barely sit upon.
b) The second day of a head cold which I can't medicate.

Role model at 3

Josiah makes me proud to call myself Mommy. Josiah is a helper. Josiah's favorite thing about being a part of Ethnos Church is loading and unloading the trailer. Last night was no different. After the gathering I went down to pick him up from his class. He quickly scurried up the stairs to "find daddy." Soon, it was, "Daddy, I want to help." Josiah ran off to find a rug he could roll and then pack out to the trailer. But tonight was different. After getting his third small rug rolled, I saw one of the "older boys" (1st grader?) run after him. Soon Josiah had a crew of three or so and they were packing out the larger rugs together. I found it interesting that I had never seen these other boys really doing much more than running around after the gathering. Perhaps they have helped before, and I just haven't seen it. I wonder how many times other children have seen Josiah helping out. I think many other the "adults" just think it's cute. I am proud of my son for setting a small, quiet example of what it means to serve God and be a part of a church community like Ethnos. I highly doubt he will be a king at the age of 8, but he can be a small leader now by setting an example for those around him.

I spoke too fast

Wes and I are really sick. So much for life looking up.

We survived

Things have been looking up around here. Josiah started eating again Friday evening. Wes arrived home about 3:30pm Saturday. I didn't get Josiah's bug, at least not bad if I did. My tailbone is still killing me, but the morning sickness may be subsiding. Wouldn't that be grand! We even got our taxes in Monday morning. :O)

So it may seem a bit early but I've definately been feeling the baby move. It's still a pretty rare occurance, like once a week, for the past couple weeks. But last night I was laying on the couch, icing my tailbone (the only relief I can get while preggo), and I got 10-20 minutes of movement. It was nice. Feeling the baby move this early is like a little gift from God. A little reassurance that everything will be all right.

Could things get any worse?

1. Husband goes to training for work three time zones away. Has to leave at 6:30 on Easter morning.
2. Wife is still suffering from morning sickness at 13 weeks.
3. Wife decides to slip on the stairs and recrack tailbone. Wife is pregnant and can't take antinflamatories.
4. Son picks up a bug and is throwing up.
5. Let's just hope there is nothing to insert here before Husband's return.

Easter, in the words of a 3 year old

Yesterday my parents came over for Easter Dinner. Grandma and Josiah were looking at the resurrection eggs. Josiah was trying really hard to remember what all the little symbols stood for. He didn't get them all right, but he seems to get the two main points:

"He said, 'I want to die for my friends.'" (He meaning Jesus)
"Oh, it's empty, like the cave."

It's a sad Easter

It is Easter Sunday. I am sad. Yesterday was blah. Wes is at the airport. His plane leaves at 9. It's going to be a long week...

Baby update - 12 weeks

I had my 12 week appointment today. Things are looking good. My uterus is growing at an appropriate rate. We also got to hear the baby's heartbeat, it was clear and strong. That was very reassuring after everything we have been through. I have not had any more cramping or bleeding. So things appear well on the outside. However, we won't know how the placenta is doing or how the baby is really developing untill the anotomy ultrasound, at 18-20 weeks.

Josiah asks questions/talks about the baby

This evening after his bath Josiah found me in the bedroom. The three of us end of laughing and talking and just having good old "family time" bouncing on mom and dad's bed. At some point I asked Josiah to show Daddy how he'll rock the baby (he showed this to me about a week ago). After his demonstration, Josiah starts talking about the baby more. I'm lying on my side on the bed...

Josiah (reaching over and touching my boob lightly): Look mommy, the baby moved up here.
Mom (Moving his had to my belly): No Josiah, the baby is still down here.
Josiah looks puzzled.
Mom continues: That's where the baby's milk will be.
Josiah (reaches over and touches my boob again): He, he, he. I tickled the baby's milk. Mom, how will the baby get the milk out?
Mom (hoping to not really have to explain this at the moment): The baby will just suck it out.
Josiah (very ernestly): The baby will drink it all up. Then we'll have to take off the lid and pour more milk in.
Mommy and Daddy die in laughter!

Edited on Tuesday morning to add:
And then this morning there was...

Josiah: Mommy, our baby is cold in your tummy.
Mom: It is? Why is the baby cold?
Josiah: Because it is. Because it has nooooooo clothes on.

hand over mouth

I feel like I walk around all day with my hand over my mouth. I feel like I'm going to spew, but I don't. I feel like if I did, I'd feel better. I am ten weeks today. When will the first trimester end for me? When will the "morning sickness" end? Who ever coined the term "morning sickness" was an idiot. It so describes it not at all. It must have been a guy. Excuse me, I must quit typing and return my hand to my mouth.

No pictures is lame...

...so here's a ramdom image from my files. This is a scanned slide file. Thus the reason for the fuzzy black frame which is actually a white slide mount. I took this photo at a car show while I was on the Portland Popular Photography Mentor Series "trip." Other people from our group came all the way from NY to shoot in Portland. I just hopped on a bus to downtown. I'll probaby be uplaoding it to istock soon.

not fair

There should be rules against being sick while dealing with morning sickness. There just shouldn't be both. No one should have to deal with both. Especially since you're not really supposed to take anything but tylonal while you are pregnant. This bites! I hope Josiah is good to me today.

I'm done

My last hour has been full of screaming, crying, and demands. I'm so done. He's eating lunch now. Even that is leaving him upset. Of course your sandwich falls apart when you try and eat it with a fork. Please quit crying about it. And every other little thing for that matter. I hope this doesn't mean he's coming down with something else.

I've felt decent, but not well this morning. I've got mounds of laundry. It has to get done. My kitchen reeks. Not because it's that bad, but because I can smell everything now. I hate my overly sensitive pregnancy smellers. I like milk. I can't drink it. It smells bad and I just opened it.

I need a nap.

One year

Well, actually...it hasn't been quite one year yet. But it kind of has been. It will be on Friday. On March 16, 2006, I set up this blog while my husband was on the men's retreat. Wes is once again at the Men's retreat. So it's kind of like it's been a year.

This has been a long weekend. I've not been feeling well due to our October arrival. Josiah has also been sick. I got a bit of a repreve yesterday when my mom came over for a few hours. She and Josiah played games while I layed on the couch. Josiah is tired of the baby making mommy not feel well. Mommy hasn't been much fun. I can't wait for the end of April to come, I should feel better by then. Josiah misses his daddy. So do I. Why is the men's retreat so long?

Little boy, big words

Well, actually...

Where do they come from? Where did he learn that? Josiah seems to always be pulling big words out of the air. I don't know how or where he learns them. His current favorite phrase is "Well, actually..." We've been hearing it on a daily basis. It's not just the words either, it's the tone of his voice. It's just too cute. Oh, and he uses the phrase well too, it always seems to fit.

eight weeks, one day

The days seem to be trudding by. It must be the morning sickness...