ventings

I am frustrated. I am frustrated that when you ask people a question they give you half of the info you need. I am frustrated that people don't respond to messages. I am frustrated because in this situation I feel out of the loop. Because in this situation we should really be at the center of the loop, having all the needed info. No one is telling us anything! I think this frustration is making me a bad mother today. I have been short with Josiah. I am also a pregnant, hormonal, emotional wreck. Which leaves me easily frustrated amoung other things.

Things to love about last weekend

Leaving Josiah with Grandma and Grandpa
Not being a parent for the weekend
Driving to the coast without a child in the back seat
Adult conversation
Running into old friends
Finding some clothes/bras that may work
Finding a cute, but not frilly, Easter dress for the baby
A room on the ocean with a balcony and fireplace
Playing board games
Falling asleep to the sound of the waves
Sleeping in late
Making breakfast together
Exploring tidepools
Going for a walk on the beach
Kisssing on the beach
Buying salt water taffy
Naps
Dressing up to go to dinner
Dinner on the 10th floor
Beautiful sunset
Falling asleep during a movie
Sleeping in late, again
Semi-sparkling pinot noir juice
Noon check out time
Drives along the coast
Stops for photo ops
Chowder at the original Mo's
Not having to pick up Josiah by 5
Being greeted by a smiling little face
Josiah at the airport for the first time
Seeing Stephen on his layover
Having dinner with the family at the airport
Josiah falling asleep 5 minutes from home
Wondering what the next eight years hold

Good news for our little girl

Finally, ultrasound results. I almost cried when I read the following:

"The left ovarian cyst and the subchorionic hemorrhage identified on the early gestational age ultrasound have apparently resolved."

I'm not sure I like the word apparently, but I suppose they can't be 100% certain, just "apparently" certain. Also in the news:

"There is no placenta previa.
Amniotic fluid volume appears normal.
Uterus and adnexa: No abnormalities seen
There is fetal heart motion and gross fetal movement.
Fetal heart rate measured 147 bpm."

So the only reason I'll probably have another ultrasound would be because they couldn't look at everything:

"Normal fetal anatomic survey, except for non-visualized LVOT and fetal nose-lips, due to breech and transverse presentations during exam."

I think it should actually say that non-visual of for nose-lips was due to hands and feet all in front of the baby's face. At one point she looked like she was scratching her head with her foot. I think the LVOT is a part of the heart so they'll want to do another ultrasound to check it's condition.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying for our little girl.

showering baby # 2

In mommy circles, the debate over showering a second baby can be a really hot topic. Obviously, one I've been thinking about again recently. I've always been in the mindset of a party for every child, all life should be celebrated. I still think that, but what I've been thinking about are the gifts. Especially, gifts for our second.

What do we need? Nothing really. I have a lot of nutral gender baby items. Abigail just gave the baby a ton of her baby stuff, and I know that Ava is also sending some stuff our way. So I'm not in the need of clothes, I even have some pink blankets, Josiah's basics are still in working order (toys, crib, carseat, books, stroller, etc).

What then does this child need? Just love. Love comes in those special items. Josiah has lots of them. He has about a half dozen baby blankets and quilts that people made just for him. He has a liberty silver dollar that one of his West Hills great grandmothers got for him. He also has the cutest little pair of baby booties and matching hat that his Grandpa Bethune knit for him. (Daddy, are you going to make a little pink set for my baby girl?) He has people who show him love everyday. So if your needs are ment, what do you do about the gifts that people are going to want to buy? Meet the most basic needs of others.

I was thinking that maybe we would ask people to buy diapers for children in need. I think it would be really fun to see how many baby bottoms we could diaper if people bought diapers instead of cute little girlie outfits (which I already have many of). Wouldn't it be fun to load up a couple of cars with diapers and drop them off at NCO? Wouldn't it be a great lesson in giving and sharing with others for both our little girl (at a future date) and Josiah? Perhaps even for others around us who do not often think in terms of giving to others, even in our aboundance. God has blessed us. We are not in need, but there are so many who are.

It's a...

GIRL!!!

Josiah is a bit bummed, but I think he'll get over it (20 years from now?).

The baby has a name?

Josiah named the baby last night. Its name, according to Josiah, is Courious George. I think mommy and daddy will be picking out something a bit different. And no, we're not telling you what it is. We discuss names not at all. We make final decisions after the birth. Josiah recieved his name on day 3.

17 week update

Well, we don't really know anything new. Things are going right by all outward appearances. The top of my uterus has grown to just below the belly button, right where the dr would expect it to be. We listened to the baby's heart beat again. The Dr estimated it at 130. I think that extimate is a bit low. The baby's heart rate seemed to be about twice+ what mine was (we could hear them both) and I don't think I was 65 having just walked under the hot cloudless sky for 20 minutes, uphill most of the way, while pushing Josiah in a stroller. So that's all I really know. We scheduled an ultrasound for the morning of the 18th. Depending on the tech we may or may not know what's going on until I can talk to the Dr the following monday or tuesday. It will probably depend on how right or how wrong everything is going and how open the tech is to answering questions they're not supposed to answer.

So the funest part of the visit...

When the Dr went pushing around on my uterus with the microphone, the baby began to push back. Obviously the Dr couldn't feel it yet, but I could feel the baby's reacting to the invasion of its space. It was very much an opposite force pushing directly back on the mic. Makes me wonder if the baby could only feel the device or if it could also sense some form of freguency waves coming off the thing and pulsing through it amnio fluid.

dead car

Our car is dead at the moment. The battery is shot. We tried to leave for church Sunday and couldn't get the car started. Fortunately, we were able to find a neighbor to give us a jump. We had to have friends give us another jump after church. It's good we were able to make it since we were teaching the 3-k class.

Wes pulled a battery charger out of a box to charge it before we left Sunday (needed plugged in for 12 hours). This morning he tried to use it to jump the car in order to take it to Swabs for a new battery. It didn't work. The thing doesn't have enough power to jump our car even though that is what it was suppose to be for. That's why it has built in jumper cables. Oh well.

We have no milk. We have no car. I'm going to have to take the bus to my appointment today. Or walk, we'll see what I feel up to.

We have 6 bird nests under our deck, all in a row. I think 3 of them are actually in use. It's an interesting site. I can watch the occupants from the computer. I keep thinking that I have to get a picture...

I am still dealing with some form of a stomach bug (started Friday). It effects me most before noon. Then I just get cramps every time I eat for the rest of the day. At least I'm not throwing up too...

I have pictures to post and I will get to it. I promise. It's just been kind of a sucky month having a broken tail bone and three different illnesses now. But I have pictures that I wanted to post from teching in February, Easter, and Josiah sleeping in his new big bed. I'm sure there are some other things too. So soon...

Did you see Gray's Anatomy last night?

A part of me wishes I hadn't. I bawled. It was scary. The chick that gave birth, that's me. That's basically my placenta issue. Hopefully mine has healed over the past 9 weeks, it can do that while the placenta is still growing in the first trimester. But if it hasn't, her issues are very much my issues. I could give birth pre term. I could hemerage. The baby could die. I could die. It's scary to think about it. I try not to. I try to believe that the placenta has healed. I try to remember that it's all in God's hands. I have an appointment next Tuesday. I'll be scheduling my ultrasound then. It will probably be on the 18th or the 25th. It seems like a lifetime from now.

I need a break...

...from pain and illness. I would love nothing more than to wake up one morning and feel great. I have pretty much been sick or in pain since early last summer. I'm tired of it!!! Due to sprained ankles, broken tailbones, illness, and all day morning sickness, I basically haven't been able to exercise regularly for a whole year now. It's got to stop. I need a break from life, just for a couple days...

Currently dealing with:
a) A sore broken butt which I can barely sit upon.
b) The second day of a head cold which I can't medicate.

Role model at 3

Josiah makes me proud to call myself Mommy. Josiah is a helper. Josiah's favorite thing about being a part of Ethnos Church is loading and unloading the trailer. Last night was no different. After the gathering I went down to pick him up from his class. He quickly scurried up the stairs to "find daddy." Soon, it was, "Daddy, I want to help." Josiah ran off to find a rug he could roll and then pack out to the trailer. But tonight was different. After getting his third small rug rolled, I saw one of the "older boys" (1st grader?) run after him. Soon Josiah had a crew of three or so and they were packing out the larger rugs together. I found it interesting that I had never seen these other boys really doing much more than running around after the gathering. Perhaps they have helped before, and I just haven't seen it. I wonder how many times other children have seen Josiah helping out. I think many other the "adults" just think it's cute. I am proud of my son for setting a small, quiet example of what it means to serve God and be a part of a church community like Ethnos. I highly doubt he will be a king at the age of 8, but he can be a small leader now by setting an example for those around him.

I spoke too fast

Wes and I are really sick. So much for life looking up.

We survived

Things have been looking up around here. Josiah started eating again Friday evening. Wes arrived home about 3:30pm Saturday. I didn't get Josiah's bug, at least not bad if I did. My tailbone is still killing me, but the morning sickness may be subsiding. Wouldn't that be grand! We even got our taxes in Monday morning. :O)

So it may seem a bit early but I've definately been feeling the baby move. It's still a pretty rare occurance, like once a week, for the past couple weeks. But last night I was laying on the couch, icing my tailbone (the only relief I can get while preggo), and I got 10-20 minutes of movement. It was nice. Feeling the baby move this early is like a little gift from God. A little reassurance that everything will be all right.

Could things get any worse?

1. Husband goes to training for work three time zones away. Has to leave at 6:30 on Easter morning.
2. Wife is still suffering from morning sickness at 13 weeks.
3. Wife decides to slip on the stairs and recrack tailbone. Wife is pregnant and can't take antinflamatories.
4. Son picks up a bug and is throwing up.
5. Let's just hope there is nothing to insert here before Husband's return.

Easter, in the words of a 3 year old

Yesterday my parents came over for Easter Dinner. Grandma and Josiah were looking at the resurrection eggs. Josiah was trying really hard to remember what all the little symbols stood for. He didn't get them all right, but he seems to get the two main points:

"He said, 'I want to die for my friends.'" (He meaning Jesus)
"Oh, it's empty, like the cave."

It's a sad Easter

It is Easter Sunday. I am sad. Yesterday was blah. Wes is at the airport. His plane leaves at 9. It's going to be a long week...

Baby update - 12 weeks

I had my 12 week appointment today. Things are looking good. My uterus is growing at an appropriate rate. We also got to hear the baby's heartbeat, it was clear and strong. That was very reassuring after everything we have been through. I have not had any more cramping or bleeding. So things appear well on the outside. However, we won't know how the placenta is doing or how the baby is really developing untill the anotomy ultrasound, at 18-20 weeks.

Josiah asks questions/talks about the baby

This evening after his bath Josiah found me in the bedroom. The three of us end of laughing and talking and just having good old "family time" bouncing on mom and dad's bed. At some point I asked Josiah to show Daddy how he'll rock the baby (he showed this to me about a week ago). After his demonstration, Josiah starts talking about the baby more. I'm lying on my side on the bed...

Josiah (reaching over and touching my boob lightly): Look mommy, the baby moved up here.
Mom (Moving his had to my belly): No Josiah, the baby is still down here.
Josiah looks puzzled.
Mom continues: That's where the baby's milk will be.
Josiah (reaches over and touches my boob again): He, he, he. I tickled the baby's milk. Mom, how will the baby get the milk out?
Mom (hoping to not really have to explain this at the moment): The baby will just suck it out.
Josiah (very ernestly): The baby will drink it all up. Then we'll have to take off the lid and pour more milk in.
Mommy and Daddy die in laughter!

Edited on Tuesday morning to add:
And then this morning there was...

Josiah: Mommy, our baby is cold in your tummy.
Mom: It is? Why is the baby cold?
Josiah: Because it is. Because it has nooooooo clothes on.

hand over mouth

I feel like I walk around all day with my hand over my mouth. I feel like I'm going to spew, but I don't. I feel like if I did, I'd feel better. I am ten weeks today. When will the first trimester end for me? When will the "morning sickness" end? Who ever coined the term "morning sickness" was an idiot. It so describes it not at all. It must have been a guy. Excuse me, I must quit typing and return my hand to my mouth.

No pictures is lame...

...so here's a ramdom image from my files. This is a scanned slide file. Thus the reason for the fuzzy black frame which is actually a white slide mount. I took this photo at a car show while I was on the Portland Popular Photography Mentor Series "trip." Other people from our group came all the way from NY to shoot in Portland. I just hopped on a bus to downtown. I'll probaby be uplaoding it to istock soon.