Yesterday I had the opportunity to feel whatever I needed to feel. I was able to feel and proccess more than any other day thus far. I cried a lot. Last night was community group. I was fixing a salad when people began coming through the doors. The first person brought tears to my eyes and I just felt like crying all night long. It saddened me to learn just how angry and hurt everyone really is. It saddened me to realize how this is going to effect Josiah. That hurt my heart. Ashby gave me a book that made me smile and cry. Of course having other life issues to deal with and being on the emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy just sends my life in a whirl.
My grandparents' 60th wedding aniversary party is Saturday. I don't want to go. I don't want to wear the skirt that really, really doesn't fit anymore. I don't want to deal with the bra/shirt issue. I don't want to see my extended family right now. I don't want to talk to a million old people that I don't know. I don't want to put on a fake smile. I'm not sure I have a fake smile to offer.
This whole thing just sucks. WHY!? WHY DID YOU DO THIS!? WHY!?
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